Gateway to Work - Part 1

OK so I will introduce myself as a normal guy who actually needs JSA (Job Seekers Allowance) so any government approved scheme has me by the bollocks. I had been visiting TWL for about eight weeks now and it was time to do my two week "Gateway to Work" course.
I was sat in the main Job Search area on the Friday. I looked into the learning room to see a young man lying on the table holding his phone in his hand blasting some dance music that sounded like a hectic static buzz. I was mortified as the running joke amongst the lecturers was that the course lecturers were super strict.

Arrival

I arrived at the TWL centre at 9 am on the Monday, I was dreading it to be a room full of people exactly like the chap who was lying on the table. But the group seemed OK, Some loose cannons but nothing I wasn't used too after a few weeks of this place.
After a small mole hill of paperwork we were told the strict rules and told that any more then six hours off from the ten day course resulted in dismissal and withdrawal of benefits (grip round balls tightening). Then we got some "good" news, that if we worked hard during the day, we would be allowed to listen to the radio. I don't think anyone in my group was below twenty.
We kicked off with starting about talking as a group, what sector of the workforce we were aiming to be in.
The main chunk of the late morning and afternoon was taken up by "Lateral Thinking" Tests. These had such wonderful questions like "What cheese is MADE backwards" (thats EDAM, for any cheese enthusiasts).
Another brilliant question was "If the Vice President was killed, who would be President?" this seemed to genuinely confuse people and I fell into despair. It became clear that me and another guy were the only people who had pursued further education, so we were the go to guys for the lateral thinking.
The late afternoon we were split into groups and asked to prioritise a list of items, if we crash landed in the desert. I kept looking at "7. 45. Calibre Pistol" and imagined blowing my head off.
Day one ended and I was ready to go home.

CV, Cover Letter, Spec Letter.

Day two was all about CV, Cover letters and Spec letters. This part I was really looking forward to as the lack of replies to my original CV I was hoping too get an insight into a better CV. I needed a few minor amendments but other then that I was good to go and my spec and cover letters where up to standard and impressed the lecturers.
This was at an early stage of the day so I began to feel bored and unrewarded. I then was instructed to look online and in the yellow pages for jobs. I did so but did not make my target so I was in line for a deduction.

Deduction
At the beginning of the course we were told we were entitled to £100 worth of "Love to Shop" Vouchers. These were another form of back bender for them to toy with you. As I proved that I was quite on the ball, they set an unrealistic target for the jobs available. As I did not reach my target some of my vouchers were deducted.

Finished ? Job Hunt!!!
Every time something was finished early we were immediately directed back to the Job Search. Job Search of course was on the painfully slow computers and ragged out of date local newspapers. Which were now in demand with the regular learners (What I did the previous weeks).
Again always being told if our targets weren't met the vouchers were going !

keep reading for Part Two !!!